The spectacle of the recent interviews with Charlie Sheen have left me feeling many complex things. More than anything: There but for the Grace of God go I.
I also feel grief, pity and disgust. I feel as though watching the interviews and ogling over the incredibly devastating car wreck makes me part of the problem. He doesn’t need people taking pictures of him as this disaster unfolds; he needs help. And few of the media exploits in the past week have been focused on that. Because our society sure loves its disasters! Sheen’s battle with drug addiction, gambling, and other unhealthy behaviors are legendary. We have been witnessing an addict kill himself slowly for two decades. And the media and his employers (aka CBS and Warner Bros.) have been playing the part of expert enablers for years.
What has jumped out at me the most in the recent events is the word Mr. Sheen has used throughout his interviews: he talks over and over again about “winning.” In his mind, Mr. Sheen is “winning” and is a “winner.” What makes him say this? In his own words: the money he makes, the car he drives, the fact that he has singlehandedly kept CBS and Warner Brothers solvent with his genius acting skills, and the fact that he has two “goddesses” (one a model/marijuana advocate and the other a “former” porn star) living in his “Sober Valley Lodge.” Sound familiar? Look back over the past 100 years, and you will see that this list is not new for any man who has ever tried to be seen by his peers as Superman.
The evidence Sheen uses to make his case for why he is a “winner” with “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA” are all the trappings that we have been told for decades will make us happy as men. We are told from very early we should fantasize about sex with two women, big fancy cars and homes, and, of course, fame and power. Mr. Sheen has all of this. I cannot say whether or not Mr. Sheen is happy; I can introduce him to hundreds of men who have tried that approach and only found it empty and unfulfilling — and many who have almost died at the hands of that very seductive goal.
Is Sheen using? It is not clear. He passed a drug test for his interview with Radar online. Or perhaps, as many experts think, he is having an extremely manic episode. Regardless, he does seem to be exhibiting the behaviors of someone who is having some sort of mental health breakdown. What is clear is that Mr. Sheen is speaking in a way that is beyond grandiose, and I can only imagine the impact it is having on those who care about him the most, particularly his father.
If you listened closely to Sheen’s interviews, there is something else there that seems to be underlying his rants about the ridiculousness of AA and the concepts of recovery embraced by many in our field. Sheen’s comments demonstrated what I have heard from hundreds of men struggling with addiction over the years: it’s not that AA didn’t work for them, but that it couldn’t work for them. Tired of being vulnerable and uncomfortable with sharing the deepest parts of their lives and not being able to get sober, they resign themselves to a life of addiction. “I tried it for 22 years,” Sheen said, “trying to do what everyone else wanted me to, and where did it get me?” He did not say it couldn’t work for him, but I have to wonder what is really underlying all the bravado.
Unless he truly is as special as he professes, Sheen is scared, confused, and feeling resigned to a life of addiction because one of recovery seems so elusive to him. He has to prove to all of us that he is such a winner because — you guessed it — he doesn’t feel that way at all. There is nothing more painful than having to convince yourself that the way you are killing yourself is the only way to live.
I do truly and sincerely hope that Mr. Sheen “wins,” but I have a feeling if it happens that it will not look at all like he thinks it should. And that is a very good thing.
Dan Griffin is the author of A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps. Learn more about his work at: www.dangriffin.com.
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